OH, OKAY. NO, I DON'T KNOW.

Words Make Sense

2011-11-29T12:16:00.001+05:30

Sometimes, your fingers tap on the keys, and the words just emerge on the screen. It is a visible portal to your conscience. It's crystal clear with its sharp edges, but murky at times. The words are just a jumble of letters that do not gel together, and that is when words show the truest reality.

Life is messy. Explaining it should not be easy.

Why It Is Hard For Women To Own Up To Their Emotions

2011-11-17T02:18:00.001+05:30

Every time I throw a fit, which is pretty much every other day of the week, I blame it on PMS and hunger. But, I cannot be PMSing all days of the month, can I? (Note to self: Google if 31-day PMS is a physiological probability.) And while I agree that my levels of ghrelin are higher than that of leptin, I cannot be hungry when I had a satisfying sub and an oatmeal cookie an hour ago.
What brought this thought today - and consequently, this blog post, was a Gmail chat with my friend. We figured that what we had been feeling while the purported PMS cramps and hunger pangs were actual feelings but we usually do not admit to that. Why? What is it that is making me embarrassed to say, "I had a shitty day and I want to throw myself on the bed and cry a hurricane while wailing like a banshee", or, "I am scared and nervous about uprooting myself out of my comfort zone, and I am scared. OMG. OMG.", or, "I'm hurt that he led me on and now pretends like we were "just friends""?
In every other major crisis (excluding Helen of Troy), men are usually to blame. Here, however, we womenfolk cannot claim stake to a whitewashed conscience. Men have made an art out of gaslighting, and we let ourselves burnt in the fire - slowly roasting over generations. Now, we are too ashamed to show the scars or tell that it hurts like a ~~bitch~~ kicked dick. We let the men blame us and make fun of our emotions, and end up blaming ourselves and hormones. Emotions are supposed to be human feelings, and it's stupid to tag them as feminine. Life is sometimes a struggle, and often like a battle. And feeling something is a survival instinct or perhaps, the whole point of life. It may leave a scar or two, but I have earned them and I have learned from them.
So, the next time I am pissed off and you men think I am PMSing, I am actually thinking of hundred different ways to make you cry like a newborn baby. Period.

When is it time to delete your ex from Facebook?

2010-12-17T22:05:00.000+05:30

Contrary to what you had thought, your happy ending is not with a certain someone. And you are kind of okay with it. But that does not mean you want to see his happy ending pasted right across your face, and your Facebook page.

So, is it time to cut the romantic relationship version of the umbilical cord? Erase him permanently, through the virtual networks?

It is, I think, if:

a) You cannot stop snooping on his profile at least five times in five hours, and it is not making you feel better.

b) You type a message on his wall, and then backspace it.

c) Your statuses are getting more bitter, and someone else had to point it out to you.

d) His profile is the most visited page on your computer.

e) You are dreading the day Facebook launches the 'see who visited your profile' option.

f) You are keeping tabs on his active love life.

g) You don't have a love life, or a love, or life.

h) You did not notice how cute the boy standing next to you in the queue was because you were busy snooping.

i) Your friend suspects the cute boy was trying to talk to you.

j) Your Facebook password still is the name of the place where you went on your first date.

k) You are yet to change your relationship status despite knowing you are not getting back together.

l) You are almost tempted to take the 'Who is your soulmate' quiz on Facebook.

m) You feel like a stalker, the creepy sort against whom a restraining order would be given in the real world.

n) You burst out crying looking at his profile picture.

o) The pics of your trips together keep popping up like bad tomatoes in the Photo Memories section in the top right hand corner of the page.

p) You feel like pulling his sunglasses off, and stomping them into tiny shards of glass - something similar to what he did to your heart.

q) Unfortunately, you hate violence.

r) You are too lazy to actually stomp it, or even pull it off his face.

s) The thought of seeing him again makes you feel sick in the pit of your stomach.

t) You are glad it is over.

u) You are waiting for what's around the corner, fourteen miles down the road.

w) You could empathise with Robin in the How I Met Your Mother episode where she leaves violent voice messages on her ex, Don's phone.

x) A lightbulb struck in your head when she erased his number from her phone.

y) When she finally forgot Don's number, you felt hopeful for yourself, even though you know you have a photgraphic memory when it comes to numbers.

z) You'd rather be Robin in a good and actually funny sitcom than the creepy stalker female who gets killed at the end in a really bad thriller.

Disclaimer: Most of this is not autobiographical. (wink)

Lessons Learnt from 2010

2010-12-17T21:00:00.000+05:30

1. Shit happens, especially when there is no toilet paper or a hand water sprinkler anywhere.

2. Cliches are annoying, and true. Especially the one that says, "Beware what you wish for", in a very Final Destination kind of way.

3. Swine flu is an epidemic; so is marriage.

4. You are still young to do things you are yet to do.

5. If you choose to, you can be too old to not do things that you don't want to do.

6. Mills & Boon is a phase.

7. Age is a number, concept, biological fact and more but actually, rather less.

8. You are more vulnerable than you realise.

9. You are stronger than you know.

10. Everyone has a psychopath in them, that in the right - or rather, wrong - circumstances, can be quite murderous.

11. Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten by the same spider, you will suffer from arachnophobia.

12. It is heartbreaking when plans don't work out.

13. ''To do" lists are comforting.

14. Not knowing what is ahead is scary.

15. Knowing what is not ahead is liberating.

16. The idea of possibilities is enough to look forward to another day, any day, day after day.

When I grow up...

2010-12-06T22:39:00.000+05:30

I am 24 years young and the world (my family and married friends, to be precise) thinks I am getting old and have to get hitched and settled and do all the things boring adults do. I felt something was wrong, like how you keep trying all the keys in the keyring in your jammed cupboard door but none of them seem to open and you know that's not plausible - one of them has to work!

So I felt an annoying, frustrating feeling without actually feeling it. It was simmering somewhere beneath the surface of languid laziness that life had become.

And then, one thoughtful layer at a time, I peeled off to the crux of the matter. It had been resounding in my head every time I watched Disney channel and laughed along with Alex on Wizards of Waverly Place, every time I made plans to study further - study something drastically different from what I had been doing so far, every time I'd mistakenly check out schoolboys thinking they were older to me and then realise I was showing symptoms of pedophilia. I followed Justin Beiber on Twitter until I felt he was too old for me - too grownuppy. I realised it when I heard about young teenage achievers and told myself that I'll do something similar when I am their age.

Until then, until I reach my teens or grow up or whatever psychologists and adults have named that phenomenon where people get old and boring and then forget their life revolves a little bit around themselves also, I will enjoy my childhood.
I will watch cartoons after cartoons.
I will pout my lips whenever I am miffed, and I don't mean the Angelina Jolie pout, or even the Mallu porn film one.
I will stomp my feet in anger.
I will throw tantrums. Sometimes, I might even throw a brush or two.
I will respect junk food.
I will sing silly songs.
I will write silly songs.
I will dream about life ten years down the line when the knight in shining armour is just polishing his armour and thinking about coming my way.
I will not let my friends'and relatives' babies call me an aunt.
I will secretly think babies are creepy tiny adult human beings.
I will chop my hair off.
Go on adventures. And if there is not one anywhere in the vicinity, I will go on an imaginary one.
Cos babe, as long as you have a wild imagination, no shit can smear your face or pants, and best of all, it won't even leave a stinking smell behind.

I can't wait to grow up. No child can.
But like all children, I never will.
A special thank you to the quirky, awesome people in my life who are the nitrous oxide in my chamber of mental conundrum.

Rapid Images

2010-06-26T23:54:00.000+05:30

Once in a while, you stumble across something magnificent - a beautiful sight, a thought, an idea mostly and then, because in life, you can't do things in slow motion, you move on. And there is no rewind button either. But again, because the world is made of quirks, oddities and coincidences, you bump into something that reminds you vaguely of that elusive magnificent find. You are left with nostalgia for something you never had the time or opportunity to unravel. Pity. Reality. Does it matter?

Time passes so fast and thoughts even more rapidly before your eyes and inside your mind that all you are left with are vague images that you cannot be bothered to focus on. That is not a bad thing. Would you rather screen the travesty that your life is on the big screen or let it pass by in blurred pictures in an album that has mold inside the plastic casings, unsafely thrown away in some garbage dump. The latter, for better or worse, sounds like a better deal. Unless you find a time machine that can let you go back with a magnifying lens to find that one tiny little detail that can change your life for the best.

Okay, just forget what I said. I want a ride on a Batmobile. A time machine and changing my life can wait.

An old post at an old blog

2010-02-02T13:02:00.000+05:30

People observe well when they are waiting. If you're waiitng in a queue, for the bus to come, for the shop attendant to give your change, for the traffic signal to turn to green- it doesnt matter what you re waiting for. At that time, your mind is blank as in you're taking a break from the task you were doin at the moment. But you're still edgy. So to fill in the time, you look around and see what the others around you are upto. could be subconscious too.

couple of days I was waiting like this for my sister's turn to get haircut. The salon was very busy due to it bein a weekend n all. So i waas looking at all the other people waiting with me.

There was the malayali lady who wantd to get her brows done for a company party(i dint know this by watching.we talked. and yea i did use my cunnin to get rid f her as customer. tol her dat her brows looked fine..no need to get it done n all).

thn there was this slim muslim north indian or pak girl who lukd very beautiful n delicate.she offered me seat and all.

then there was this overweight filipino. I kept wondering where she had got her clothes from. I could go and buy from there. She had gairsh makeup on and her hair was so str8 n all..beauty parlor product but i was like why would anyone want to look artificial?? I am 100%*100 sure dat she would look amazing sams makeup. and she looked really sad n all..not sad as in pathetic.sad as in glum expression on face.

and then there were the two sisters from my alma mater. nice malabari girls, only thing was they wrent from malabar. they wr from thrissur.

okie okie

now onto the most interesting..hmm thought-provoking subject in dat alcove of a parlor in the top floor of a mall in the heart of the city..

there was a mother and daughter..now the daughter was a child.hmm maybe around 5-7 yrs old..am bad at guessing ages..anyways she had to be a child cos she was small and all..she wud reach somewhr above my knees i gues..

she was wearing spectacles..the soda glasses thingy..but thing is she loooked SOOOOOOO GROWN UP..i wondered whether she had those height problems n all..lik dwarfism...her face was so mature..it wud hav fit on a girl in 20s..me had to scrutinise her face n actions to identify wheda kid or not..

it set me thinkin dat in this age of middle aged ppl actin immature n stupid and kids too smart n all..hmmm

n with no 'hasty generalisation'..i thot..

kids are like little adults..

adults are like overgrown kids.

hmmmmmm

Running out inside

2010-02-02T02:50:00.002+05:30

After 23 years, I have run out of beginner's luck. I have quit my job and I still have not discovered what my special talent is. My relationship status is 'almost single'. I might have to marry a stranger soon. My finances will be in shambles within the next four months. I am getting more blind. I am losing hair but not much ounces of fat.

You look at others' mistakes and think to yourself," How could he not have seen that coming?"
Yes. How could I have not seen that coming?

Simple. Time suddenly decided to drink Gatorade and downed some shots of Bournvita, Complan and Vitamin syrup and decided to sprint ahead of Usain Bolt.
And you thought Mr T was my fairy-tale snail. Ha! Sucker!

Now, what do you do? You look around. Friends are getting married. The babies you knew are having babies of their own. And you count yourself lucky.

Time has not screwed me. I screwed it. I was an exceptionally lucky person but I did not take advantage of my quota. It's a law of the Luck Guardian: there is an equal measure of bad and good luck doled out in the world. So, I had my good luck when others were having a bad time. Now, my quota has run out and been transferred to someone else.

So, when you are down and out on luck, maybe it can help to think that someone else is having sudden brilliant change in life because of your rotten luck.

I still say I don't have a bad life. I need things to whine about. I don't want to be rich, beautiful and successful and happy. Actually, okay, I do but a part of me doesn't want to be. Because if I become all these, then what do I have to whine about and crack pathetic jokes about?

I have amazing friends. I still don't know how I got so lucky to meet soo many beautiful individuals. I wonder why the whole world isn't in love with them.

I have a sweet family. We don't talk too often, we meet once in a while. Still, in a weird paranormal genetical way, you understand each other. And the best thing about family is that you can hate them and yell at them, knowing that that doesn't mean they will stop loving you.

Steinbeck found his calling when he was old. Who am I in comparison? I may or may not find my calling. Though it would be welcome, it does not end life.

Romantic love? A part of me still believes in the explanation I used to give boys (yes! there were few) who told they liked me in school. It is a chemical hormonal thing that ultimately runs out. Still, I hope. and then some more. and then, I go out and get what, or who, I want.

I am getting older. So what? It makes being younger all the more fun.

Sour grapes and all that.

Still, it gives vitamins, right?

Random literally

2010-02-02T02:30:00.000+05:30

I don't know about you. I hardly know about myself.
I get confused when someone talks about showing humanity. Are they telling you to be kind or cruel?
I like to snoop on people's lives but I could hardly care whether Big B is having a not-so clandestine affair with beauty queen daughter-in-law.
I respect people who can tell the difference between lettuce and cabbage. Housewives are an underestimated, under-appreciated lot. And one major reason why is that they secretly think less of themselves.
A compliment on how well I have swept the house makes me feel better than when I received a salary hike.
Whenever I write something, I notice the many I's in it. And I feel guilty. Should I apologise? Then again, isn't it better that I talk inane things about myself, than bitch about you?

Unrequited feelings

2010-02-01T02:23:00.000+05:30

Written for a friend who likes a guy who is dense about her feelings for him. Men have an inferior sense of comprehension. It's in their DNA. He was just the appetiser, hon.
I sit beside him
and chat for hours
I smile at him,
Loving this time of ours
He grins right back at me,
What a wonderful place to be
Makes my heart go a-flutter
Melting like a bit of butter

But then, out of the blue,
Without giving much of a clue
He tells stories of his girlfriend
It’s so hard to comprehend
How she made him do this and that
Argh, he’s sounding like a doormat

And I…..
I am hopping mad
More so, I am even sad
I had liked him so bad
Wanna hit him hard
Right where it’d hurt
Why eva did he flirt?

When I first met the boy,
Didn’t feel so coy
As times passed by,
I fell hard, please temme why
We had a good time
Not knowing him would’ve been a crime

But then, out of the blue,
Without giving away a clue
He tells stories of his girlfriend
It’s so hard to comprehend
How she made him do this and that
Argh, he’s sounding like a doormat

I am hopping mad
More so, I am even sad
I had liked him so bad
Wanna hit him hard
Right where it’d hurt
Why eva did he flirt?

Ohh..Tell me… can you see
Was I ever so crazy??
Cos everything now seems soo hazy
I am hopping mad
More so, I am even sad
I had liked him so bad
Wanna hit him hard
Right where it’d hurt
Why eva did he flirt?

Cos everything now seems soo hazy
Was I ever so crazy??

Is it time to be sure that Obama is truly 'noble' to deserve a Nobel?

2009-10-09T17:51:00.000+05:30

US President Obama came into the public eye very recently. His PR campaigners have to be commended for his fast rise and popularity. It’s not that I don’t like the man. Maybe, his heart is in the right place. But obviously, it’s too early to tell. He (and/or his PR firm) has said that it is the time for change. Even I could say that, but I don’t see any chances of the Nobel lying on my mantelpiece. If he had actually brought about some change, he could be considered a worthy recipient of the award.
Usually, the nominees are people who have devoted their entire lives to the cause of peace. It is hard to digest that the prize has brought novice Obama technically into the same league as an Aung San Suu Kyi, who lived in exile, separated from her family and not even seeing her husband before his death to bring about democracy in Myanmar.
Does “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples” mean a message of hope and optimism? It shows our tragic times that the world is so hard put for hope and peace that mere “efforts” have to be showcased as the actual thing.
It’s too early to tell what Mr Obama is likely to do for world peace. I hope that the prize does not mean the culmination of the “efforts”. Results are too hard to expect, but continued and dedicated efforts would be highly appreciated.

New beginnings just around the corner

2009-10-04T20:13:00.000+05:30

Wipe Out the Slate
Throw it Away
Grab Another One
Take A New Chalk
Start a Different Sentence
It Begins with A Single Letter
Slowly The Chapters Will Begin to make Sense
The Story of Your Life Is Yet To Unfold;
And It can be Re-written,
Over and Over again.
The Story of Your Life Is Yet To Unfold

Random philosophy (sic)

2009-10-04T20:11:00.000+05:30

Written ages ago, when I was sitting simply and random thoughts flitted in and out of my mind.

I sit on the stairs
Random thoughts creeping up my mind
Shadows dance on the walls
I am swept away on the tide of time
The waves throw me back on the rocks
The beacon lights up the past
When the moon lends its glory
And shows the path to the ship yonder
That will take me on a new journey
To a destination of my choice

Forever is an intriguing concept

2009-10-04T20:04:00.000+05:30

My stash of "sentimental" poems is "stashed away". Maybe, a shrink will have a field day about why I hesitate to show it to others. :) This one is fine cos it's more of a "I no longer care" thing. Very "in".

Forever is a long time

You threw it away in a second

an empty word that taunts

a promise not meant to be kept

Forever is a long time

It’s funny how the months we spent,

now seem longer than a lifetime;

no, no, not even worth a second

Forever is a long time

To be holding grudges

you are just a nasty memory

but the lesson you taught

will be remembered

and I will be grateful that....

forever....is a long time...

Thank you for making me realise ...that...

forever...is too long a time... to waste on you...

Am...

2009-10-04T20:01:00.000+05:30

I have no clue about my state of mind while writing this piece. And I have a feeling it shows. :)

Questions remain unanswered
Time is my enemy
Even my mind shows me the wrong way
But it can’t affect me
I am larger than time
I am the question
That can’t be answered
I am the mind-reader
That can control journeys

Textual doodle

2009-10-04T19:44:00.000+05:30

I wrote this during an exceptionally boring torturous ordeal called a 'class'. Got passed around the class and all of us had a tough time keeping a straight face.
Boredom – a poem
Sitting in a crowd
Not hearing a single word
My mind remains blank
I don’t need to take this crap
There are better things I can do
Like...
Fly over the mountains
Dive into the sea
Dance in the rain
Roll on the grass
My imagination is running wild
This class seems so tame
I wish I could open the door
Run off to a better place
And never come back
To this class.
Everyone else feels the same as I do
Yet we are prisoners in a
Cell with an unlocked door
My bum is glued to my chair
I wish there was a fire alarm
That could clang and
We would all run out and hide
For three whole days
Until ‘she’ leaves
She is digging her nose
Talking some gibberish
Whatever she is saying,
I know it is not English
Worse than Greek or Latin
Should I pull out my hair?
Going out of my mind
Want to scream so loud
The wind is howling
The telephone is ringing in the opposite room
The world is protesting with us
Raise your voice
Lift your bum
Run Out. Rush out. Of this class. The torture has to end. Very soon. Really soon. Like NOW!!!
- A tortured student
Class I – 08/08/08

And then, some more

2009-10-04T19:25:00.000+05:30

So, I was at work, thinking how I don't want many things - just a little more than I have right now. So wrote this song. Kinda smarmy and eoow, am sure I'll b embarrassed reading it later. But what the heck? Here I go:

To be born again
to become someone better,
a person who matters,
and then, some more

I don’t want riches,
enough to tide me over,
to buy comfy clothes and bit of
tasty food,
and then, some more

Wanting another chance,
Some time to do all the things
I ever wished to do
and then, some more

I don’t want fame,
respect is too much to ask
a little appreciation wouldn’t hurt though,
and then, some more

No knight in shining armour,
a loving heart, a caring touch will do
a special smile just for me,
and then, some more

Wanting another chance,
Some time to do all the things
I ever wished to do
and then, some more

"Book"ed

2009-03-01T16:34:00.000+05:30

Finally, after five years, I am out of my ebook phase. My eyes are the happiest at this news. I owe many of the excruciating backaches and eye sores to this phase where I would download ebooks and gobble them all. I would lie down, holding my laptop like a book. Many of my avid book-lover friends would ask with a disgusted cheated look, "How can you read from the laptop?"

My reply would be that I do not have to pay for the books. But lately, my eyes have refused to tolerate the strain I have been putting them under. More than that, I should credit my falling out of the ebook phase to two paperback books I happened to read. I enjoyed them more because it was there in my hand and there is a special joy in having the freedom to turn the pages. Also, I can hide my novels inside my notebook and read in boring classes.

In the last week, I have read Chuck Palahnuik's Fight Club and Janet Tashijan's The Gospel According to Larry. After all the romantic bullshit I have been reading in the past few years, these books were a welcome welcome change. I feel as though my son has come back from "vidhesh" after an year or so.

I had not seen the Fight Club movie. I was never intriguied enough to see it. Now, after reading the book, I do not want to see the movie even though I have it on the best authority that the film is also great. But nothing can compare to the words in the novel - they are so alive and visual that I have already seen the film in my mind. The book reads more like a screenplay.

And the concept Palahnuik has brought into the fore is so simple that it is awe-inspiring. Self-destruction being the key to mental peace rather than the stupid pointless self-improvement books and classes and meditation.

The mechanic says in the book, after rampant road rage, "You had a near-life experience".

That death is the closest you can get to life.

Poignant and soo beautiful.

Not surprisingly, I am looking forward to gobbling down the next Palahnuik book.

The second book I read was Janet Tashjian's Gospel According to Larry (got nice cover as well). A funny philosophical story that comes out as very plausible. It is story of Josh Swensen, a super-intelligent teenager in love with his best friend and who talks to his dead mother at the makeup counter of Bloomingdale's. A quiet unassuming humorous guy who is also Larry, an anti-consumerist alterego he created on the Internet just as a project and that goes on to become a national phenomenon. The book's USP is its character who genuinely wants to contribute to the world and how you can see yourself in him and him in everyone. We grow as the character gains wisdom with his strange yet every-day experiences. Smartly written with lots of laugh-out-loud moments. Hoping to get the two sequels as well.

Presently reading Arvind Adiga's The White Tiger.

The fact that in under a month, I have to start and finish the following, is not helping my newly re-found love for paperbacks and hardcovers:

1. Dissertation

2. Three projects

3. Assignment on religious ideologies in politics

4. syllabus report

5. Three tests

6. News bulletin

Special thanks to Shri Priya [For Fight Club and the White Tiger and Landmark (for the sale!!!!)]

Lost? Waiting for something? You are alive

2009-02-26T21:55:00.000+05:30

I realised something today. Maybe, all of us know it since birth. Just that the day it strikes us in full momentum differs and may take years. For me, the day was today.

I figured about what most of life is about.

You are always searching for something.

You are always waiting for something.

Mostly, you don't get to find what you have been looking for or eagerly awaiting. More often than not, you don't even know what you want and/or need.

But sometimes, without realising, by chance or by choice, you reach the perfect destination at the right time. Along the way, you meet wonderful beings and experience new things that teach you and change you. Some things and people, you lose along the way. Others share a part of your journey - searching and waiting.

Maybe, the things and people we search and wait for are not what we need. It is what our search and wait throws up that makes life a gift to live. What if we never get to live the "perfect dream"?

Perfection is over-rated anyways. I'd rather crib about an imperfect life rather than sitting content, with nothing to rant about.

i am happy with my imperfect life. because it is perfect for me.

Positive Multiple Lives Syndrome (PMLS): Multiple lives in parallel time-frame

2009-02-25T23:41:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: I am not, contrary to the text displayed below, chronically unhappy with my life. I am content with my understanding eccentric family and my circles of friends. I am looking forward to growing old and grumpy in the presence of a special someone. The scenario explained in this post is the manifestation of a game played by Procrastination with his (yes, Procrastination is male, duh) cousins, Wishful Thinking, What-If and Day Dreaming.

I have one life. And I have not done anything about it. Ever.

I have one life. And I have not done anything about it. Yet.

But that does not stop me from wishing I had multiple lives at the same time so that I could devote time to whatever I wanted to. I will be graduating this April insha allah and become a certified "working woman". Though I'd enjoy the work, I do not care at all for the adult tag that comes free with job and responsibilities.

I want to work. But I am not ready to stop being a formal student. So I figured if multiple lives in parallel time-frame was possible, I could fulfil my desires and not wait till I have money in the bank balance or few grey hairs.

With Life A, I would work as a journalist in the Middle-East.

With Life B, I would work in documentary production.

With Life C, I would write a romance novel.

With Life D, I would study astronomy.

With Life E, I would learn languages such as Latin and Arabic.

With Life F, I would write a screenplay that would, of course, be made into an acclaimed film.

With Life G, I would study international relations and political science.

With Life H, I would travel all around the world and meet wonderful people and places.

With Life I, I would simply vegetate at home, sitting idle.

With Life J, I would marry soon, have well-behaved potty-trained children, irritate hubby, take care of my parents and siblings and gossip about the neighbourhood, matchmake and play pranks as a grandma.

With Life K, I would learn everything there is to about archaeology and re-visit history.

With Life L, I would study Physics as it has been one of my deepest regrets that I never devoted any attention to the subject in school and when I attempted to study it properly the day before my XIIth boards, I enjoyed it immensely!

In the past few minutes, I have found 12 lives I would not mind living if parallel lives were possible.

I may be able to attempt all these activities in this lifetime but I will not be able to do justice to all if I do it at the same time. And I want to do it now, not after retirement or my premature death.

My practical side reminds me that this is an impossibility. In that circumstance, it suffices to say that the one life in the one time-frame I am leading is also an enviable one and I am eternally grateful for that as well.

(Pssst...I thought of a Life M..or maybe a replacement for Life A...Make multiple lives in parallel time-frames a reality...)

Defining Nothing

2008-12-10T19:33:00.000+05:30

N O T H I N G means no thing.
If I ask you what is running on your mind right now, you might panic and try to get rid of the "lunatic" by saying "nothing"..i e no thing..and you would expect me to be satisfied with that.
Yeah Right.
'Nothing' is an understated word that blatantly mocks the listener. What the utterer(?) actually means by 'nothing' is that it is not a thing. It is something bigger and impressive than a mere "thing".
Next time when someone says "Nothing", think again before moving away. Maybe they are hinting at some larger scheme of feelings and emotions and reality that the phrase "no thing" can't justify.
I think the problem lies with the question..You ask "What is the matter?"
Matter...?
Matter, according to Wiki sources, "is commonly defined as the substance of which physical objects are composed, not counting the contribution of various energy or force-fields, which are not usually considered to be matter per se (though they may contribute to the mass of objects). "
Matter is Physics.
Physics might be real.
But
Physics is not Physical or okay, I admit, maybe it is.
But Physics is not Mental or Emotional or Psychological.

That's why you get blank teary-eyed faces vehemently denying any "matter" because what is troubling them is not physical; it is far more pervasive into their inner being which is not 'matter'.
So change the question. Say something like "What is troubling you?"
Hmmm. Or better still, just look at the troubled face and let your imagination run wild. Mayybe, the person fell in love with an alien that had abducted her but she figured out that the alien belonged to her gender.
Okay, that is NOT entertaining. Cut it Out.
I have a really really good idea. When you look at a plagued soul and questions crowd your mind as to why the droopy face and how to offer comfort, just look away.
I assure you, it is "no thing". Best to stay away from "nothing".
Are you thinking what is wrong with me???
Nothing...I assure you..Nothing at all..

Being a part of history - part II

2008-11-27T19:58:00.000+05:30

It is uncanny how you come face-to-face in recent times with scenarios that might have taken place in the wildest of your imagination or only in corny pseudo-techie Hollywood and Bollywood movies. The past and the future has caught up with the present. Terror and fear are emotions you encounter every other day. Suprise large-scale attacks are the way of life now.

As my friend Julie says, pirates were what you heard of and had relegated to the recesses of your mind as a whimsical notion of the olden ages. The Somali pirates, unequipped with technology and bogged down with poverty, have revived the art that had since transformed into a romantic profession with films such as Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp might have been adorable as Captain Jack Sparrow. But the lives lost and ships held hostage in the Gulf Seas remind us that ages ago, pirates marauded ships and its occupants for wealth. A lost legend has become a very real risk potential.

This is the 21st century. Terror attacks were something that happened a long, long way away from you. Globalization has brought terror closer to you. The names of places you see screaming at you from television news screens and newspaper headlines are places you regularly visit, have randomly passed through or used to live in. Security measures at airports and malls are something we take for granted. No one ever consciously thought that security at high-end places could be breached so easily. No one ever thought about it, period.

But someone somewhere in the world did think of it and researched enough to figure out that the safety at posh places are over-rated. The Taj, Oberoi and Trident Hotels were attacked in Mumbai on Nov 26th 2008. Simultaneously, the Cama and GM Hospitals were also invaded. Nariman House was captured. There were blasts at different locations throughout South Mumbai including the age-old Victoria Terminus a.k.a the Chatrapati Sivaji Terminus Railway Station. Terrorists randomly fired at passersby on the roads. They had entered the city by sea all the way from Pakistan.

They knew what we did not know. They cared enough about what we never paid a second though to, albeit to disastrous consequences. How did a gang laden with explosives come all those miles undetected and unsuspected? How did they breach the security in place at five-star hotels? How could they have had the gall to roam around the city, firing randomly and determinedly?

How?

This is the question on everyone's heads.

What about the WHY?

Power games and extremism have evolving and growing rapidly in this New Age of liberalism.

Most importantly,

What Now?

Do I have to steer clear of five-star hotels now? Should I stop my loved ones from visiting places that might be attacked? Will I have to duck whenever I see a vehicle speeding along the road? Should I always be on edge, wondering the place I am at is the next on the hit-list of the terrorists? Ought I blame the complacency of the security agencies in the country? Will praying for new stringent safety regulations suffice? Will being prepared make me a suspicious wreck unable to enjoy peace anymore? Can I make myself go along, leading a normal life?

Mumbaikars are renowned for their spirit that has never been broken by any terror attacks on their beloved Bombay. But there is a limit for tolerance and acceptance. Will this prove to be the last thread holding the fragile future of India's commercial capital?

I pray not. I pray that this never happens again anywhere in the world. I pray that the terrorists are defeated so badly that no other anti-social element will even contemplate the idea.

If only I could turn a deaf ear to the voice that incessantly whispers within me..."It is too late"...

But then again, another voice replies softly..."There is always hope for the better. "

May the world wake up on time so that they can sleep in peace..Ameen..

Being a part of history

2008-11-06T19:40:00.000+05:30

History had always seemed something alien—text you read in school books and part of the reminiscences from our elders. Yesterday, as Barack Hussein Obama became the first black American President-elect, I felt a sense of being a part of history being made. Not just in terms of the U.S. The world is moving and progressing (a relative and subjective context) at such a fast pace that the geniuses I read are actually alive and some pass away in my lifetime. I read copies written by Paul Krugman, Thomas Friedman, Pico Iyer and who-not. Years later or okay, maybe not so many years later, the younger generation will learn about Paul Krugman’s Nobel Prize, Thomas Friedman’s ‘flat world’ and I will feel ridiculously old (An exaggeration since I might most probably be dead by then or too old to care.)

The conflicts that are happening across the world, from Georgia to Lebanon, from Timbucktoo to Jhumri Talaiya, are the deciding factors in the polarity of the world. The bipolar era of the Cold War which had ended in 1990 to become a unipolar era dominated by the U.S. has made way for a new age multi-polar way of life and governance. And to think that I was alive during all these crucial shifts of polarity.

Today, the Second World War might seem like a forgotten event of the past. But twenty years hence, I say that I was born forty one years after the end of the war and will emerge as an almost-witness to that devastating experience. I know that it does not actually have much of an impact as my father was born four years after 1945 and I do not think that the war occupies much of his mind space, if at all.

I raise a toast to myself and the inmates of my generation – we are all history in the making, if we choose to be.

The moment Dinaz fell in love - Dream I

2008-10-24T19:56:00.000+05:30

I have decided to chronicle all my dreams, compile it all in a folder and let a psychologist have a field day with it. So as of now, my third semester exams are going on or should I say, down?? There is a power crisis on campus and it affects us since we are on a residential campus (some random Symbi family member's sadistical idea to mint money at the expense of hapless students). Needless to say, these are tough times. But that is another story for some other time.

So I was asleep after a long, tiring day. And I dreamt and dreamt....

Fade In..

Shri Priya*, Julie** and I are in a small room. A tiny cabinet in the corner catches fire. And it is no normal flurry of blazes. It was very much similar to the SFX fire seen in B-grade series such as Shaktimaan***. I get startled and look at the other two. They are lost in their own conversations. I realise that the door is the only route to escape and look towards to it. Unfortunately, the same SFX-esque fire is blazing on the door handle!!! How do we get out? Will we roast to death?

Fade out..

Fade In..

College set in the jungles (a little less civilized than the hilly terrain my actual campus**** is set on). There is a railway track that goes through the jungle. And there is a railway tunnel snaking along near the campus. But there are no railway stations.

The only way to get into the train is to wait for the train to come hooting out of the tunnel and jump out, grab the railing quickly and hop onto the boards. I did it in my dream or rather, my 'third eye' did. It sees Dinaz***** standing near the footboard of the train, silent and pensive. A young boy, the prankster of his class, his attitude proclaims, is swinging on the pole on the opposite footboards. He is in his school uniform. Dinaz keeps staring at the boy. The boy is oblivious.

And a voice-over fades in out of nowhere:

"That was the moment Dinaz fell in love."

(I remember wondering what a VO was doing in my dream. I forget the rest of the dream. :( )

* the HOT temperamental practical passionate intellectual in the journalism class

** my super cute zaxxyy roomieee

*** Lavale Symbiosis Knowledge Village: mannah for corporates, corporates and corporates

**** my classmate and contact-point in the chain of passing msgs when classes are scheduled, postponed or cancelled.

Quarter-Life crisis and Moi

2008-10-13T22:31:00.000+05:30

To say that I have been having mood swings will be an understatement. If I am happy at noon after an unexpectedly satisfying lunch, I am in the doldrums at night. I will be cracking my head over some assignment due the next day. It is scary - the phase I am going through right now. I even suspected that there was something wrong with me and took 'Are You suffering from a Bipolar disorder?' tests online. The results were positive!

When I disclosed my suspicions to my sister who is a medical student, she was nonchalant, saying that it runs in the family. Like that would cure me!

Then, one not-so fine day, I was telling my b-friend about my dilemma, a bipolar disorder that is like a premature mid-life crisis. And he retorted that it was more like quarter-life crisis considering that I am technically 21. (why technical? Because I feel older in spirit and yet so much more younger in terms of accepting realities.)

It just struck my mind and refused to let go. I could empathise with Mr. Archimedes who ran naked after discovering the intricacies of buoyancy. I had finally figured out what was wrong with me! Yipppppppppeeee!!

Needless to say, the happiness was short-lived. Just because I realise I have terminal illness does not mean that I am cured from it - a single logic that defines my life at the moment.

Is there an invisible line that is intellligent enough to realise when you have reached your 20s and places it at your foot so that you cross it to life-changing consequences?

I cannot see it. Maybe that is because it is invisible. Just like the ravages on my mind and the frustration pangs that reverberates through my body and soul.

Believing in the ideals of conflict-sensitive journalism

2008-09-26T22:48:00.000+05:30

I used to be a cynic.

Atleast, I thought I was.

Then, I realised I was not.

Because I still believe

impossible is a few steps away

The walk ahead might be tough

but if you begin today,

you will reach someday.

Anyone who says otherwise

has lost hope and heart

And that is the greatest tragedy of all.

Things I intend to write (and I will do it..someday..soon)

2008-08-27T15:56:00.000+05:30

1) How a Spanish or italian accent is considered sexy and charming but an Indian accent is looked down upon, especially by Indians themselves.
2) Chick-lit (I have already written the opening sentence).
3) Book on Nothing
4) Whether India is ready for Knowledge Villages
5) Mainstreaming Risk Reduction in Agriculture

I solemnly pledge to fulfil few or all of the above stated intentions

My book - Little Ado over Everything

2008-08-27T15:52:00.000+05:30

I have decided to write a book. It will be about nothing. Everyone is so hyped up about everything that they should realise that everything is not everything. Sometimes, everything is nothing and nothing can be everything.
When a 'serious author' writes a book, he has a specific structure in mind: concept, flow, etc, etc. What happens when you put pen to paper or rather, finger to keyboard not knowing what you will churn out after hours/minutes at the keyboard.
If I write a book about nothing thining and worrying about everything, I lose the entire concept of the book and its ideals. I will be practising what I preach.
I wish myself all the best.
Let Nothing come to Mind.

Blah-g

2008-08-20T22:03:00.000+05:30

jus figured out something...
technically, web + log = blog
practically, blah + log = blah-g ~ blog.
blog is where ppl like me come to say blah stuff and 'blah'ber ~ blabber..so instead of blogging, you should say I am blah-ging..makes more sense..
So there..
With my luck, I m sure that my discovery is cupla centuries late..*sigh*

Human Hibernation - The ideal solution for the worldly and personal problems

2008-08-18T15:29:00.000+05:30

You look around yourself. What do you find? People racing against other people and the most competitive rival, t.i.m.e to achieve something which actually does not make a lot of sense. Most of them do not even want to be doing what they are involved in right now. They are caught up in a system that has been in place and reamined unquestioned for centuries. Times change. System has to change. Evolution needs a rejig.
Presenting the ideal solution (which hopefully will become legal in the next 10-15 centuries.)
Humano Hiberno Serum - in short, Hi-Hu..
You have a presentation in 30 minutes. You are neither prepared nor interested. What do you do? You are pulling out your hair in agony.
As Douglas Adams would say...Don't panic
Take out your personal package of Hi-Hu..bought through undisclosed sources in an unnamed country. Eat it or inject it or sniff it. Voila. Wait, set the duration for which you want to hibernate. Just repeat it three times..4 days///4 days//4 days..Make sure that you enunciate days as days and not as centuries..you may find yourself the sole mammal when you wake up..
Relax and sleep...
Enjoy..
Imagine a more serious scenario. One country is planning attack on another weaker country. What is the problem if you don't have an nuclear arsenal at your disposal? Hu-Hi will save the day. Hire a helicopter and sprinkle Hu-Hi over the attacking nation. The entire nation will hibernate and your country is saved.
The scientific rationale: The natural ingredients in Hu-Hi stunts the chemicals in the body from being active hence making you immobile but the oxygen supply keeps you alive. It is perfectly safe and harmless.
The only loophole is that no scientist has figured out whether others will remember that you were absent during your presentation. More tests are required to reach to a conclusion. To offer yourself as a guinea human, contact 091-91-91919191919 or email gethigh@huhi.com.

An old post from another blog - things I wanted to do

2008-08-15T23:10:00.000+05:30

I have achieved 2-3 things on the list..Many more to go..
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Sam'z to-do or havnt-done-yet list or will-she-do list??????????
Stuff on ma to-do list:Am jus waitin for dat one event dat wud turn ma life arnd n make it more interstg..thr r lots of things I want to do..ok here goes things i WANNA DO BADLYYYYYYYYYY..::n ok i dont wanna b blamed by sayin' hey if u wanna do smthin, go 4 it n all'...i ll add d reasons too
1)neva done bungeejumpin- coz no such stuff happnd nea me
2)neva gone on a date-duh, no one askd me out,ppl mostly ask fo ma hand in marriage..dats weird but dumb..
3)wanna learn martial arts- honest to god, i ll do it smday..
4)i regret neva hit someone in a fite - i havnt coz am a peaceful person n no thief eva tried to snatch ma purse..not ma fault na??
5)wanna travel arnd d world..n d reason's soo obvious..no cash or 'uloos' in arabic
6)I wanna fall in luv..mabbe xperience a heartbreak..am no masochist jus to satisfy curiosity
7)live alone..hav fun lik dey did in 'Friends'..be happy
8)learn to dance reallyyy well..al dose groovy steps n all..
9)want to shoot smthin..no animals n all..yea i hav shot BALLOONS at a fair,it waz soo nice..i missd a few though..
10)want to c ireland..meet lotsa ppl..get to noe em..
11)spread luv n happiness..
12)make a diff in smone's life in wateva lil way i am possible of
13)i want to realise how strong i am..coz i hav neva testd myself..
14)I want to b bolder...i wanna b proud of maself n hav no regrets watsoeva. Its not dat I dont lik myself..I do..a lil..i cud lose a couple(ahem, a lot..lol) of pounds..hu doesnt?eekss..am bein a typical female..I hate bein called dat..But thn guyz r weirdos too..i mean dey can b sooo dumb..ok k no judgements..gues dey r gud guyz out thr..though i hav neva caught evn a glimpse of one in almost-20 years..but thn it cud b coz I'm absent minded n neva realise watz in front of me..Like i wudnt noe I am in pain evn if smone struck a hammer on ma head..

The 'Ideal' Age

2008-08-14T23:25:00.000+05:30

When is the ideal age:
to be idle?
to fall in love?
to stop drinking your mother's milk?
to stop wearing diapers?
to retire?
to move out on your own?
to declare yourself an adult?
to stop running to your family for help?
to save money in the bank?
to get a fracture?
to start threading your eyebrows?
to stop eating 'cerelac'?
to start using abusive words and get away with it?
to be stressed about work and life?
to give up on everything you hold dear for money?
to say you are old?
to make out on the back seat of your car?
to cry watching mushy movies?
to roll around in the mud?
to swear off junk food?
to clean out your closet?
to think about the ideal age?

what is the opposite of energy? un-energy?

2008-08-02T20:15:00.000+05:30

Maharashtra is facing an energy crisis. And we are smack in the middle of it. Elusive electricity. Unpredictable water. It is like nature has come full circle. Nature has always done whatever she fancied. Man manipulated/utilized her and took control of her. It is payback time now. She is holding back her bounty and Man does not know how to remedy the situation.
The best choice for a layman like me is to learn from the situation. Respect the resources. I have learnt not to take it for granted. I am afraid. I don't think we are equipped enough to face a situation with no power or water. One day of no electricity and we could not study because the notes were in the computer which would not switch on. I wish we could build a solar-powered laptop.
We are not omniscient like we think we are. Thank God for that.

la-di-da not it is..wat it is..

2008-05-14T18:53:00.000+05:30

Browsing: A way to rouse yourself when bored.
see the 'b' and 'rouse' connection?? man, i impress myself at times. But considering my track record, I am sure that someone has already figured it out. For instance, it just struck me sometime last year that the alphabet 'W' stands for 'Double U'..i was sooo excited and i told my friends. and they gave me "the LOOK".
Isn't it a familiar situation? You have one of those brainwaves and you then get to know that someone has already thought it some hundred years ago...hmmm..what if we had been a part of that era? Do you think our names would have a part of history and science textbooks?
I had this wish - to see my name in textbooks. But then i don't want to hear curses from students. So, i thought maybe a road should be named after me. But then, I don't think it is a privilege. rather, it is an outright insult. Because when someone is walking on Samiha Road, they are indirectly walking with their dirty shoes and spitting and doing God-knows-what-not on ME!!
ok ok. Calm down. Calm down.
(beep)

Ruminating Contemplation

2008-05-12T22:57:00.000+05:30

Should I tell what I think or tell what I think I should be telling or should i think about what I think I should think about telling? Should I even tell what I am thinking? Is thinking a complete process in itself or do I need answers and a listening ear to feel fulfilled?
Do people think just for the sake of cranial stimulation?? If philosophers, the so-called scholars of thought such as Socrates and Plato had kept their thoughts to themselves, would philosophy have existed?
Is thinking a hobby or a natural activity like breathing, feeling and attending the call of nature?
Why am I writing this blog? Am I thinking or am I telling? Okay, I think (or I am telling) we are back to where it has begun. The circle of life. In the era where Copernicus was scorned for his beliefs, what do you think people would have told? The flatness of life? In that case, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I guess it does not matter. Like all those other questions to which you know you will never a definite answer.
Questions! I do not seek answers from thee.

Rediscovering the joy of writing

2008-02-04T23:55:00.001+05:30

Today, Mr. Ramesh Menon spoke in our class. He told that a journalist must find writing a joy rather than a tedious task. I realised that somewhere along the line, I had lost the happiness and interest in writing.

Years back, I would sit on the terrace of our home in Calicut। If you looked through the gaps between the tops of the coconut trees in our neighbour's garden, you could see shiny slivers of the majestic Arabian Sea. A huge brownish-blue bird with a long red tail (that I still consider a Kingfisher) was a frequent visitor in my courtyard. I would look at the sea and concentrate on the music of the waves lashing against the rocky barrier. It was violent, yet strangely peaceful. I would look at the narrow strip of concrete that passed off as a road. I watched out for the colourful inhabitants of this tiny village that was originally a fishing hamlet. I was as curious about these natives as they were about this rather “healthy” non-resident Muslim Indian girl who had the gall to sit on the terrace within public gaze.

I would sit there and write adventure stories. My sister Safa donned the mantle of the editor. She would tell me what to write. Just like a book has a beginning, middle and an end, my story had to have tragedy, fun and happiness (in that order). The opening scene had to be a death. And the protagonist had to be named Stella or Sandra.

It's rather unfortunate that I could never pen down any story, though I did narrate them to my sister. Today, the only fragments of those stories that remain in my mind are the death scene of Sandra’s parents and the trip taken by Sandra and her friends to Yosemite Falls. Stella’s story had been set in Nassau. I can’t recall anything else about the story.

I was about 12 or 13 years of age at that time. The Atlas was my assistant. He helped me find the setting for my story.

The Enid Blyton influence always made me look to the West for my characters. I didn't see the story that was right under my nose. The story lurking in the eyes of the villagers remained unnoticed and hence, unheard.

Same 'ol beginning

2008-01-17T01:44:00.000+05:30

It is 2.22 am.222? cud it b a sign of anything? anyways, doesn't matter (maybe, just a little bit).
i just got back from Vinnie's room. Had set out on a forage for fortification. Vinnie luckily had bread and a long-forgotten piece of jam. In between, we raided the jelly sweets of her roomie Ginnie..coincidentaly, the roomies are named Vinnie, Ginnie & Minnie(not related to each other).

Ok ok will continue later. Waiting for someone to get online.Tell you more about it later. Who is this 'you' I mentioned in the previous sentence...?? more about that too later on...

That is another problem of mine..procrastination..

ciao